Suspended Amitation

Telemarketing

2009-02-04T15:38:00.003+01:00

First of all, the number of phone calls you can receive at home from telemarketing agents on a normal working day are a lot more than you can imagine.

Today I got a particularly interesting call,

A female voice asks - "Sir, would you like to play with me today, its for free", just when I thought this was sounding interesting, she followed it up with, "I am calling on behalf of Euromillions"

Click...

Rear view mirror

2009-01-20T18:54:00.000+01:00

Women in the rear view mirror look prettier than they are.

At the end..

2008-12-30T11:38:00.001+01:00

If you live a long and healthy life, you will finally die...

Instruction Manuals

2008-12-30T11:37:00.001+01:00

I strongly believe that instruction manuals only kill the element of surprise....

Pigeons

2008-06-23T15:38:00.006+02:00

I almost killed a pigeon yesterday, it definitely hit the front of the car - but flew off, later that same afternoon, I was rolling into park at about 5 Km/h and actually flat smashed one pigeon on the road, I of course don't understand how it could not move away, even though to my fault, I should've braked. I can only take solace from the fact that it died on the spot! I also noticed since then that I am seeing a lot more pigeons as road kill at this time of the year, does anyone know what the reason could be? Or are pigeons just normal road kill and I only just started noticing it?

I walked up to my apartment switched on the PC - read about Jane Mcgrath dying. Jane Mcgrath was wife of the famous cricketer Glenn Mcgrath, who is also popularly known as "Pigeon".

Today I checked my favorite comic strip and this is what I got.

Coincidence?

Pearls before Swine

2008-06-19T15:16:00.002+02:00

Every once in a while a comic strip comes along and makes you smile each and evertime.

Pearls before swine has done that for 60 days and counting

http://www.comics.com/comics/pearls/

Toujours avec la langue a Paris....

2008-05-26T19:05:00.004+02:00

The title of my blog has nothing to do with what I am going to write about, it's just an absurd title because of the absolutely absurd things I am going to write.

The wayfarers are back!!
What do you do, when you've lived your life in NYC, gone to bed with a young and beautiful Diane Keaton, violated Mia Farrow and then later her daughter, had your way with Scarlett Johansson at some point of time and the media never got wind of it, when you get tired you tour cities like London, Paris and Barcelona playing your clarinet, What do you when you've done all this?? You decide to take the sexiest blonde and the sexiest brunette alive and ask them to get hot and heavy with each other, you take a camera and shoot 'em... and in the process make a few millions? You SIR, are a legend!!
Have you ever wondered why the name of the people you like and love are the one's you take liberty to screw around with? The more familiar you get with someone the more botched up their name becomes. How often do couples foresake the use of their partner's name and settle for a lame honey or a darling, hasn't their been some research that once said that "One's own name is the sweetest thing that a person hears".. then why not call the people you are closest to with their names, I am sure they'd like it.

Ok over and out for the moment

Jackpot

2008-03-08T10:19:00.000+01:00

Everytime I go to an automated teller machine(ATM) - the bloody thing whirrs and jiggles and crunches around like it's counting 8500 Euros...even when I just asked for 20 or 50.... but at the end it only pumps out what I asked for.

When the hell am I going to win the jackpot it is counting up?? and if I am never going to win it and if no one else has either, then somebody must tell those bloody things to become more efficient and stop wasting their time counting all those extra notes and just do their bloody job and quietly slip out 1 note.

Bastards...

Men and women (again) in the future

2008-02-16T12:46:00.002+01:00

I thought of a scenario in the not so distant future, maybe 50-70 years ahead? It doesn't have too many gadgets or robots and flying cars. But what I see is that fewer people will need to submit themselves to societal institutions like marriages and families may look different. (Quick disclaimer: I am sure this has been written documented by someone, someplace else)

I see a state where men and women will choose to have their offspring outsourced - artificial insemination and surrogate mothering will become the norm. It will lead to commercialization of gene pools and probably lead to a more evolved human race.

I discussed this with some people and they are of the opinion that it would lead to more "disturbed" kids who do not know their parents - do not have good parenting, potential to lose the sole parent that they may have. But again these are things looked at in the current set up of our society. In the current set up, don't kids become orphans? Don't kids suffer from disturbances of parents separating?

I think the gradual change could lead to children being more independent sooner, under eager parenting of 1 dedicated parent who is keen to have the child. Society could have a better focus on coaches and teachers who will have a larger part in the upbringing of the new generation of outsourced children.

If the laws are created, a supplier parent could be known to the child and there could be an available set of siblings for the child from the supplier parent's other progeny.

I personally can't see too many problems with this sort of future state of affairs...

Just thinking out aloud... and I think this blog would rate as being too serious

Men and Women

2008-02-16T12:43:00.002+01:00

I think if women existed alone on this planet - they would've killed each other. If men existed alone on this planet, they would've killed themselves.

...

2008-02-02T18:49:00.000+01:00

Reggae rocks...

That's my shortest blog post.

New shit has come to light!

2007-10-29T21:53:00.000+01:00

Yup...new shit has come to light!!

Apparently anyone over 16 yrs of age should not wear white underwear, it reduces their mojo.... so the experts inform me.

The same experts who are very passionate about their white colored combs!!!

I know this blogpost will be understood by two people, but that's fine. Men beyond the age of 30 start giving a rat's ass!!!

Selfish me..

2007-10-23T23:12:00.001+02:00

If I like something, I buy a big stock because I know the manufacturers will invariably stop making it very soon It just happens with me all the time, though I think the 50 packs of fig flavored yoghurt are going to be impossible to finish before 3rd of November..

Anyway, the selfish me comes out when I like a bar or a restaurant, my natural reaction is to tell all my good friends with a slightly discerning taste to go and sample it. My fear is always around the fact that this would have a snowball effect where the place will be over crowded by people who have got to know of the place from my "good" friends and in doing so I have managed to damage the quality of the food/drink or the general ambiance of the establishment by making them serve more people than they bargained for.

This is when I really need to check myself and say maybe let me enjoy this place a few more times in it's serenity before I make myself responsible for overburdening the place with an influx of people.

Is there something you feel selfish about?

Perfect Stranger

2007-10-23T20:57:00.000+02:00

I've spent close to 4 years in Bruxelles and I have 1 stranger who is my most regular stranger. This is the stranger I see the most often, this person is not a bum or a beggar or a shop keeper or a cleaner or someone who I would see doing their daily chores in a regular place, cause those people I would term as acquaintances. Yeah, I know it's pretty lonely out here.

Coming back to the stranger, this is a japanese guy, I know he's japanese because he looks it, he doesn't look chinese or korean, I am convinced he is japanese. I first started sighting him in my first 3 months here and then I realized there was a sushi place close to where I lived and I thought maybe he worked there, maybe he did, but I never saw him there, not that I ever went inside the restaurant, not that I could afford sushi back then, but I just didn't see him around that restaurant pretty often, but I would see him walking on the streets somewhere close by or on the metro or walking through the park.

I moved apartments into a different neighborhood far away from the sushi restaurant but this japanese guy is still my most regularly 'bumped into' stranger. I know he doesn't recognize me, but it's ridiculous, how many times can you bump into the same individual and not realize that there is some connection that needs to be made, how many times can you just ignore the fact that you are bumping into the same person way too often. I can easily put the number of sightings of aforementioned japanese man at close to 100.

Do you have a similar "Stranger" experience in a city you live? Someone who you've never said hello to, never know where he/she lives, works, moves, walks, but generally keep bumping into this person??

Now this post was completely unedited and a verbal dump. But every single word on the blog is heartfelt and honest and 100% true and happening in my life. Should I buy him a cup of coffee next time I see him?

Sample....

2007-10-17T23:27:00.000+02:00

There are 2 classic tracks that I feel could be sampled by some new musicians. I don't think anyone's redone them, it would be challenging to not just lift the tune and over ride it... but actually work on these tracks.. Brilliant tracks.. both..

Fame - David Bowie
While my guitar gently weeps - Beatles

Upbringing

2007-10-17T23:23:00.000+02:00

I was a good boy brought up on Classic rock and the likes.. then one day I tripped up on Electronica.....

Sleeping alone

2007-10-11T22:38:00.001+02:00

I've had a spate of friends crashing at my place over the last few weeks. I enjoy the company and I like playing the host. It's the early morning rip roaring farts that I am denied to execute which I am very upset about...

The other day I woke up on a sat morning at 07:30 because I had let one slip out and reverberate, but my subconscious told me I had guests, so I had to wake up and suss things out...

Such is life...

The Problem...

2007-09-21T22:50:00.000+02:00

I've heard, seen and even had people come and speak to me about the guilt they feel about not being able to feel equally passionately towards their partners and they feel like beating themselves up about it. (I think, I just used the word feel a bit too much there)

Today a friend and I discussed this subject with a grossly opposing view. We agreed that when we didn't feel passionate about the people who felt passionately about us, we were terribly annoyed by their presence.

Fact no. 1) We are both hopelessly single, without being able to hold anything like a relationship down for more than 3 months.

Observation 1) The above fact should originate directly from our ridiculously selfish view of our world where we treat people who like us like dirt!!!

Sidejab... I had heard that people who have trouble holding down a relationship are given plants to take care of. I've taken care of 2 plants handed over to me by colleagues who got fired, the plants are doing fine... I am telling you I got problems with those real live things that talk back and move and insist that I should listen to classical piano pieces on a saturday morning.. when all I want is Gorillaz with my coffee!!!!

Bugger that... next blog is gonna talk about my "Condom Genie"

Security....

2007-09-19T21:49:00.001+02:00

3 friends and I went into a little clothes store in a tiny little village in the Netherlands. The alarm went off when we entered!!

I guess that's the cutting edge in security systems. Alert the staff of potential threat of shop lifters entering a shop, rather than make them run behind them after they've left.

Saboteur

2007-09-01T14:53:00.000+02:00

Facebook was trying very hard to sabotage my blog....but I am back!!

Postcards....

2007-07-25T18:56:00.001+02:00

About time I got this one up here... a must listen... a must buy!!!!

As much as you wish

2007-07-22T11:26:00.000+02:00

I have no problems in being cheated. As a matter of fact I call all my weekend breaks or vacations to any touristy place as my "Let's get cheated breaks". I like some places where the taxi driver or the tourist guide offers you his services at a price which is about 5-8 times the price a local would pay for it. (Actually a local would never avail of their services in their own country)

But, the words I cringe at the most though are "As much as you wish" - The conversation would go something like this:

Me: How much for this service/product (read: 730 Mts taxi drive, run of the mill tour of a site where all the explanations are in a language that is extinct or will be very soon, thus making it uncomprehensible to all visitors)

Provider: For you sir a special price, normally it would "75" but for you it is only "72.5" and if you like you can tip "As much as you wish"

This is when I stop enjoying the trip immediately, because I am under the spotlight and I also have to start thinking of an appropriate price to pay for being appreciative of a service that I am already paying 800% more for and somehow avoid at being abused at after receiving it.

In such a situation my roots betray me completely too. It is ingrained in us to haggle/bargain/drive down a price/short change people. I am sorry we are born that way!!

So I think and I think and weigh the pros and cons of the service and grade it on a scale of 1-5 where 1 is low and 5 is great and all that jazz. I even try and do a bit of math as my race is supposed to be good in that subject and try and count what a 10-15% tip would be like and finally I fork out enough money that I think would make the receiver feel elated with joy and make him decide to not work for the next 36 weeks and take his wife and kids and 2 little ponies on that promised vacation....(Note this is all happening, while I am supposed to be getting a whirlwind tour of a major historical monument and thus not allowing me to take any note of what is going on)

But alas, it's not to be... All I get is a stern look, the eyes suddenly going from friendly "I am gonna fuck you so royally" look to "You Mo Fo, I think you just tried to have sex with my 2 ponies". Then suddenly the emotion from the eyes pour into his mouth and turn into words and they come spewing out "Cheat!!Cheapskate!! Beggar!! You have wasted my whole life!! (note:I met this person 6.18 Mins a go). Please leave immediately or the anger that is boiling inside me will ask all the gods in the world to make sure that you have anal warts and you need to sit on a pole to earn your living"

I am telling you it's a no-win situation. Try it.

Sometimes those ladies in Amsterdam are sure a welcome change with their "50 Eur for a Suck and a Fuck!!"

Republishing Blog

2007-06-22T09:45:00.000+02:00

I am republishing my blog from 23rd April. Text Below!!!

What if someone thought of a way to harness all the gas that is released through farts? Wouldn't that be a wonderful source of "alternative" energy?I thought of this when 3 engineers were sitting in front of me after a heavy meal and discussing E= mc2 and my lowly accounting degree and the urgent need to pass gas brought forth only this brainwave of creating something that the engineers chew on for some time. Please spend a minute here to bring yourself up to date on some gaseous knowledge

Today 22nd June Scott Adams - Dilbert published this joke. I want to check with him, when he actually drew the strip?

What was that about great minds?? Or what was that about an idle mind ???

I forgot...

2007-06-18T15:13:00.000+02:00

...what I was thinking about. I've had a couple of flashes over the weekend of writing things which I thought were, witty, amusing, thought provoking etc. But now I've forgotten what they were. If that thought does ever pass me by again and I am not on a crowded freeway with rain pelting down on both sides and me trying to banish the thought of a full bladder for the remainder of the 1 hr journey time, then you shall find it published here on this blog.

BTW. I am thinking of making a list of recording artists/bands which I will never get to see in my life and what a great shame that is!!

1) Nirvana
2) Queen with Freddie Mercury
3) Pink Floyd (And no, I don't want any of you assholes who've seen them at Live Aid to leave me a sorry comment)

If I think of more, I'll post...write now I am going back to banishing thoughts of a full bladder!!!

Pain...

2007-06-12T14:52:00.000+02:00

However much medical sciences may evolve, I don't believe anything else feels better on muscle pain or bruises than a huge dollop of that mega blackening IODEX.

And no GSK did not pay me for this blog!!