New shit has come to light!

Yup...new shit has come to light!!

Apparently anyone over 16 yrs of age should not wear white underwear, it reduces their mojo.... so the experts inform me.

The same experts who are very passionate about their white colored combs!!!

I know this blogpost will be understood by two people, but that's fine. Men beyond the age of 30 start giving a rat's ass!!!

Selfish me..

If I like something, I buy a big stock because I know the manufacturers will invariably stop making it very soon It just happens with me all the time, though I think the 50 packs of fig flavored yoghurt are going to be impossible to finish before 3rd of November..

Anyway, the selfish me comes out when I like a bar or a restaurant, my natural reaction is to tell all my good friends with a slightly discerning taste to go and sample it. My fear is always around the fact that this would have a snowball effect where the place will be over crowded by people who have got to know of the place from my "good" friends and in doing so I have managed to damage the quality of the food/drink or the general ambiance of the establishment by making them serve more people than they bargained for.

This is when I really need to check myself and say maybe let me enjoy this place a few more times in it's serenity before I make myself responsible for overburdening the place with an influx of people.

Is there something you feel selfish about?

Perfect Stranger

I've spent close to 4 years in Bruxelles and I have 1 stranger who is my most regular stranger. This is the stranger I see the most often, this person is not a bum or a beggar or a shop keeper or a cleaner or someone who I would see doing their daily chores in a regular place, cause those people I would term as acquaintances. Yeah, I know it's pretty lonely out here.

Coming back to the stranger, this is a japanese guy, I know he's japanese because he looks it, he doesn't look chinese or korean, I am convinced he is japanese. I first started sighting him in my first 3 months here and then I realized there was a sushi place close to where I lived and I thought maybe he worked there, maybe he did, but I never saw him there, not that I ever went inside the restaurant, not that I could afford sushi back then, but I just didn't see him around that restaurant pretty often, but I would see him walking on the streets somewhere close by or on the metro or walking through the park.

I moved apartments into a different neighborhood far away from the sushi restaurant but this japanese guy is still my most regularly 'bumped into' stranger. I know he doesn't recognize me, but it's ridiculous, how many times can you bump into the same individual and not realize that there is some connection that needs to be made, how many times can you just ignore the fact that you are bumping into the same person way too often. I can easily put the number of sightings of aforementioned japanese man at close to 100.

Do you have a similar "Stranger" experience in a city you live? Someone who you've never said hello to, never know where he/she lives, works, moves, walks, but generally keep bumping into this person??

Now this post was completely unedited and a verbal dump. But every single word on the blog is heartfelt and honest and 100% true and happening in my life. Should I buy him a cup of coffee next time I see him?

Sample....

There are 2 classic tracks that I feel could be sampled by some new musicians. I don't think anyone's redone them, it would be challenging to not just lift the tune and over ride it... but actually work on these tracks.. Brilliant tracks.. both..

Fame - David Bowie
While my guitar gently weeps - Beatles

Upbringing

I was a good boy brought up on Classic rock and the likes.. then one day I tripped up on Electronica.....

Sleeping alone

I've had a spate of friends crashing at my place over the last few weeks. I enjoy the company and I like playing the host. It's the early morning rip roaring farts that I am denied to execute which I am very upset about...

The other day I woke up on a sat morning at 07:30 because I had let one slip out and reverberate, but my subconscious told me I had guests, so I had to wake up and suss things out...

Such is life...

The Problem...

I've heard, seen and even had people come and speak to me about the guilt they feel about not being able to feel equally passionately towards their partners and they feel like beating themselves up about it. (I think, I just used the word feel a bit too much there)

Today a friend and I discussed this subject with a grossly opposing view. We agreed that when we didn't feel passionate about the people who felt passionately about us, we were terribly annoyed by their presence.

Fact no. 1) We are both hopelessly single, without being able to hold anything like a relationship down for more than 3 months.

Observation 1) The above fact should originate directly from our ridiculously selfish view of our world where we treat people who like us like dirt!!!

Sidejab... I had heard that people who have trouble holding down a relationship are given plants to take care of. I've taken care of 2 plants handed over to me by colleagues who got fired, the plants are doing fine... I am telling you I got problems with those real live things that talk back and move and insist that I should listen to classical piano pieces on a saturday morning.. when all I want is Gorillaz with my coffee!!!!

Bugger that... next blog is gonna talk about my "Condom Genie"

Security....

3 friends and I went into a little clothes store in a tiny little village in the Netherlands. The alarm went off when we entered!!

I guess that's the cutting edge in security systems. Alert the staff of potential threat of shop lifters entering a shop, rather than make them run behind them after they've left.

Saboteur

Facebook was trying very hard to sabotage my blog....but I am back!!

Postcards....

About time I got this one up here... a must listen... a must buy!!!!

As much as you wish

I have no problems in being cheated. As a matter of fact I call all my weekend breaks or vacations to any touristy place as my "Let's get cheated breaks". I like some places where the taxi driver or the tourist guide offers you his services at a price which is about 5-8 times the price a local would pay for it. (Actually a local would never avail of their services in their own country)

But, the words I cringe at the most though are "As much as you wish" - The conversation would go something like this:

Me: How much for this service/product (read: 730 Mts taxi drive, run of the mill tour of a site where all the explanations are in a language that is extinct or will be very soon, thus making it uncomprehensible to all visitors)

Provider: For you sir a special price, normally it would "75" but for you it is only "72.5" and if you like you can tip "As much as you wish"

This is when I stop enjoying the trip immediately, because I am under the spotlight and I also have to start thinking of an appropriate price to pay for being appreciative of a service that I am already paying 800% more for and somehow avoid at being abused at after receiving it.

In such a situation my roots betray me completely too. It is ingrained in us to haggle/bargain/drive down a price/short change people. I am sorry we are born that way!!

So I think and I think and weigh the pros and cons of the service and grade it on a scale of 1-5 where 1 is low and 5 is great and all that jazz. I even try and do a bit of math as my race is supposed to be good in that subject and try and count what a 10-15% tip would be like and finally I fork out enough money that I think would make the receiver feel elated with joy and make him decide to not work for the next 36 weeks and take his wife and kids and 2 little ponies on that promised vacation....(Note this is all happening, while I am supposed to be getting a whirlwind tour of a major historical monument and thus not allowing me to take any note of what is going on)

But alas, it's not to be... All I get is a stern look, the eyes suddenly going from friendly "I am gonna fuck you so royally" look to "You Mo Fo, I think you just tried to have sex with my 2 ponies". Then suddenly the emotion from the eyes pour into his mouth and turn into words and they come spewing out "Cheat!!Cheapskate!! Beggar!! You have wasted my whole life!! (note:I met this person 6.18 Mins a go). Please leave immediately or the anger that is boiling inside me will ask all the gods in the world to make sure that you have anal warts and you need to sit on a pole to earn your living"

I am telling you it's a no-win situation. Try it.

Sometimes those ladies in Amsterdam are sure a welcome change with their "50 Eur for a Suck and a Fuck!!"

Republishing Blog

I am republishing my blog from 23rd April. Text Below!!!

What if someone thought of a way to harness all the gas that is released through farts? Wouldn't that be a wonderful source of "alternative" energy?I thought of this when 3 engineers were sitting in front of me after a heavy meal and discussing E= mc2 and my lowly accounting degree and the urgent need to pass gas brought forth only this brainwave of creating something that the engineers chew on for some time. Please spend a minute here to bring yourself up to date on some gaseous knowledge

Today 22nd June Scott Adams - Dilbert published this joke. I want to check with him, when he actually drew the strip?

What was that about great minds?? Or what was that about an idle mind ???

I forgot...

...what I was thinking about. I've had a couple of flashes over the weekend of writing things which I thought were, witty, amusing, thought provoking etc. But now I've forgotten what they were. If that thought does ever pass me by again and I am not on a crowded freeway with rain pelting down on both sides and me trying to banish the thought of a full bladder for the remainder of the 1 hr journey time, then you shall find it published here on this blog.

BTW. I am thinking of making a list of recording artists/bands which I will never get to see in my life and what a great shame that is!!

1) Nirvana
2) Queen with Freddie Mercury
3) Pink Floyd (And no, I don't want any of you assholes who've seen them at Live Aid to leave me a sorry comment)

If I think of more, I'll post...write now I am going back to banishing thoughts of a full bladder!!!

Pain...

However much medical sciences may evolve, I don't believe anything else feels better on muscle pain or bruises than a huge dollop of that mega blackening IODEX.

And no GSK did not pay me for this blog!!

I miss....

....the days when I was small kid and could cry my eyes out, when my team lost a game of cricket!!! I am amazed that I can't do it anymore, because I feel the same amount of pain, remorse, agony, anger, frustration, pain at losing a game.

I wanna say thanks to that 12 yr old girl who played in an all boys team this morning and tore the pages out of a scorebook and bawled her eyes out, I feel more alive today, I feel more me again.

More power to kids with passion for sport, more power to anyone with a passion great enough..for anything....that they could cry for it....

Black is the new WHITE!!

I woke up a bit late last weekend owing to a "cocktail" of cocktails I had had from the previous nights/early morning festivities. I distinctly remember the cab pull over a block before my address and went on to empty out the contents of my stomach including that brilliant Martini with 3 olives which I had quaffed down at 0430.

I was late on a Saturday morning. Brush my teeth, shower, and breakfast; pack my kit bag to head to the important league game in Holland!!! I wasn't a spectator, I was playing. – "Damn where are my cricket whites??? SHIT!! They're still in the washer from the night before. I need to get them dry ASAP… what do I do?"

- A humongous light bulb went on in my head; it even made that "kling" sound! "Just bung it in the Microwave you dimwit!!"

In go the whites, these are the "quick dry" 100% nylon version whites, 2 mins should do the job. There they go. I turn away to go brush my teeth. The strong smell of burnt toast greets me in a bit!! Alarm bells are ringing.. I don't have a toaster!! I don't even have bread!! What the hell is burning? A cursory look in the direction of the kitchen reveals no smoke that could be responsible for the smell, "Must be the neighbour" I say to myself.
Feeling well refreshed after the mint rinse, I return to the kitchen to a debilitating smell of carbon!!! I open the doors and windows to the balcony before I go about looking for the source of the smell. "Oh darn it, just leave everything open and the smell should go away in a bit, lets get that bag packed to head out"

Open the microwave…. Where are my whites?? All I got is a lump of BLACK!! Charcoal BLACK!!! I know that Black is the new white and all that.. but my white cricket pants lay there in one ugly lump of BLACK!!!... I did venture to pick it up and bring it out with very high hopes of being able to salvage a pocket or something out of it. But of course the microwave had had a field day with it. I brought out a really old pair of whites from '98 and decided to look like Michael Jackson in white pants and a HUGE arse and play a game of cricket !!!

I recounted the story to my team mates and one of the lads said, "Were you hungover, 'cause that is exactly the kind of stuff people do, when they wake up hungover!!!" There is no wisdom that can come to you without experience you know!!!

Lesson of the day: Do not believe that you have had a brilliant idea when you're hungover and do not try to dry nylon clothes in a Microwave.

Big city life...

I very strongly believe (yes I am at that (st)age in my life when I can "Strongly Believe")...that one cannot have any poetry in their soul if they've not spent a few years in a big city.

It's time to get lost again!!!! It's time to find the poetry in the soul...

.....

I think I am secretly in love with Kate Winslet!!!

World's Busiest Person

I recently got to know the world’s busiest person. He is a philosopher!! Ponder over this, the man’s job is to think!! So he is busy right now!!! As I write this down, and I don’t even have to bother to know what he is doing, I can always say, “Ya, that dude, he’s busy right now!!” Science has confirmed that the human brain is active at all times, so if we’re not performing any activity, the brain is still active with thinking, even while we’re asleep

So my philosopher friend, (more power to him) is by far the busiest brain I have ever come across, I used to think my boss was busy, because he always was thinking about his job, but that’s a forced kind of busy, whereas the philosopher dude cannot stop being busy!! What a predicament for the man!! And may I also mention what a diametrically opposite individual than me, I am barely able to think of my work even while I am at work.

Now look at the bright side for the man!!

He gets a call that he doesn’t want to take all he has to do is say “Hey, I am sorry, but I am busy”. Annoying person at the other end of the line, “Busy? Dude it’s 7.30 pm on a Sunday night, what are you busy doing?”

Philosopher dude, “Thinking!!” End of conversation!!

I wish I had that right too!!! Then I could go all Jack Nicholson on people. I could always be actively working on developing a new theory or a new law or a new index.

As a matter of fact I’ve got one that I am working on already!! And a whole lot of thought has already gone into this. I am open to suggestions to name it, but this law will identify “The amount of water that has to flow through your shower and into the drain before the guilt of wasting water overtakes the guilt of thinking about your French teacher in the shower”

P.s. Note that I have used words like "predicament" and "diametrically opposite" with the hope that they are used correctly and they make me sound cool enough to make theories.

Alternate energy source!!

What if someone thought of a way to harness all the gas that is released through farts? Wouldn't that be a wonderful source of "alternative" energy?

I thought of this when 3 engineers were sitting in front of me after a heavy meal and discussing E= mc2 and my lowly accounting degree and the urgent need to pass gas brought forth only this brainwave of creating something that the engineers chew on for some time.

Please spend a minute here to bring yourself up to date on some gaseous knowledge